My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
4 words: hood of his car
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
