I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
