Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
