She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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