If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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