tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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