I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
