can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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