He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
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I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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