my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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