Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
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Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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