she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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