i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
