i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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