You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
