I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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