hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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