she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
