sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
