There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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