turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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