Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
