Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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