my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
