I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
40s are totally the cure
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
