My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
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