Nicole vs. Life
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
