sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
