Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
