I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
