Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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