fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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