I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize