my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
