i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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