That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
