I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize