He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
