She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
