i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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