yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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