ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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