I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
