my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
