Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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