dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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