I wish I could teleport
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
