Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
and she was petting her beer can
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
