I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
