I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
