I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
