it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
