FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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