What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i out mim tonsoeep
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