i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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