Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
