I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
