thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
