RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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