A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
