Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
