After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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