there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
