She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
