If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
