I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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