You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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