Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
