Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
