I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
