She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
