Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
