I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
