i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
