I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
