I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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