He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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