This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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