Define "chronic" masturbator.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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