I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
