Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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